is wine microwaveable?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
