just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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