We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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