I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
