All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize