Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
