I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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