Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
