did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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