you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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