A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
