I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
