i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My cat gives me a boner
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
