ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
