he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
