You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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