Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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