It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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