I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
