I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
