just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
