There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize