somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
