we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
