Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
