How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
