Pants 0. Shit 1.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
