They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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