we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
