At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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