i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
