My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
