I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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