He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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