I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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