Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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