His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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