i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize