who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
