I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
