Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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