She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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