Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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