Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
