Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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