I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My bed smells like the plague
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
