My cat gives me a boner
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
