he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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