Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
