He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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