Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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