they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
