you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
