Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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