you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
