we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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