Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize