i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
