last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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