I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
