sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
