It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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