Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
