My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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