I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
