Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
where am i from again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
