Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
