I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
