Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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