And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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