gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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