is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
