How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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